I haven't posted in a while…not since January. I can only write when I am led by the Holy Spirit. It is real. It is raw. It is truth. The truth is…life this year has been a little too raw for me to share.
Last month, a group of ladies from our church made the six hour trip to Pigeon Forge to attend the Women of Joy conference. While the fellowship, new friendships, and shopping were memorable…it was the message I received that my heart cherishes the most.
When all of my girls were young and still in our home, as you can imagine, there was a lot of hormonal fighting. Some days trying to homeschool them, household chores, and refereeing them just got to be too much. One day standing in the middle of the kitchen, there was a very heated yelling match going on between the girls and I was at the end of my rope. I knew losing my temper and jumping in with the yelling would only make things worse and I knew I would say things I shouldn’t. Without even thinking I closed my eyes, raised my hands up about shoulder height, and started quietly saying Jeeesuuuuus while swaying side to side. Not even a second later you could have heard a pin drop. When I opened my eyes, I saw my girls standing there staring at me with big eyes making no sound. They went their separate ways. I’m not exactly sure what they were thinking, but it’s been a saying in my house ever since that if momma starts calling on Jesus you’ve gone too far.
I was reminded of this memory when we were at the conference. During the worship music, they played the song ‘I speak Jesus’. I’ve heard it before, but this time was different. As I listened and tried to sing along, my brokenness was revealed to me. I weeped uncontrollably during the song. They played it several times during the conference, and I wept every single time. Hearing it at home today while in the shower, I cried uncontrollably like a broken child again.
I’ve been speaking the name of Jesus a lot this year, not having any other words to use. Only now it’s not for sibling rivalry, it’s for things I can’t even bear to speak out loud. I think that’s why this song affects me so much. Every line of lyrics reflects on my life this year, this moment.
As I searched my Bible for reassurance in calling out in Jesus’ name, I landed in John.
John 14:6 Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.
John 14:13-14 And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.
John 16:23-24 In that day you will no longer ask me anything. Very truly I tell you, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.
John 16:33 I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.
Have you ever wondered why we end our prayers ‘In Jesus name’? This is why! He tells us to ask in His name…even when we don’t know what to ask for. When we are so burdened and have no words, all that is required is to call out in Jesus name. I find comfort in knowing that as I call out in His name, He already knows my troubles and my needs.
I hope that you can also find comfort in knowing that all you need to do is call out in His name when you have no words. If you have burdens so heavy that you can’t speak them, send us a message asking for unspoken prayers. We will pray for you.
Much love, LB
Listen here: https://youtu.be/FBIz8vDMG20?si=FLWW0LD_UvLilKof